Summer

I need to feel the ocean, the sand, the burning of my skin. I can not wait for summer. Everything is always always better in that season. Best time of the year.

Broken

You broke me. A bestfriend broke me down. Sure you were upset,I tried my hardest to be there, help, care. You used and abused me. You have no idea what you've done. You didn't think of me once.

Rock Bottom

I'm sick of this. I need change. Right now. I feel so sad, so used, just so damn hurt. I don't want to be that person who cares all the time, who does everything for everyone. But thats who I am. It's fucked.

30 days of letters

So i kinda cheated at the end, i got over it and did the last few all together. I still did it but. It made me angry, all i wrote about was the same peope. Oh well, it was a great challenge.

Day 30 - Reflection

I like what I see. Theres room for improvement. And I'll change constantly.

Day 29 - All I have to Say

Dear you,
It's been a while, since we've had a proper conversation..in person. Well here's the lowdown. I've lost a friend or two, gained some more, you use love my friend gossip. My hairs darker and it stayed darker this time, started out black but its now set to brown. Graduation isn't that far away, it doesn't feel like it was nearly a year ago since i saw you on your graduation night, hmm. Im scared of schoolies, i need you to tell me how you use to be scared of it too, until you went and had the time of your life, convince me? I have so many questions i need to ask you, was it any of that real? Did you actually care? Do you still care? You are such a horrible person, to me, to the others, and to her. I'm not sure why you did that/still doing it. Are you aware of the hurt you are causing? Never the less, I still feel just as strongly for you, nothings changed in that area, sorry. Maybe one day, we can be friends, and we hang out and i wont feel anything anymore. But for now, things are still the same. You should know that i hate myself some days, and im constantly angry at myself for still wanting you in my life. Thats all.
I miss you,
Love from, Me..

Day 28 - Life Changing

The pack, its a group of girls, 13 girls including me. Each of the them have their own story to how i met them, and how they've changed my life. We will be friends forever and even if we aren't, our memories are for forever.

Day 27 - Friendly

Crap, i can't think of anything...

Day 26 - Pinky Promise

I think it was to ethan, about something gay im sure. We have a great friendship.

Day 25 - Hardest Time

The slut pack, we are going through a rough patch, constant bitchiness, fights etc. We all love each other, sometimes a little too much, we'll get through it.

Day 24 - Favourite Memory

I don't think i have ONE favourite memory, there are so many that are my favourites, but i think my parents would be the ones who were there with me. But the s pack, anna, the two b's, all also have one favourite memory dedicated to them.

Day 23 - Second Chances

I'm not sure if there is even a second i can give you, if you never gave me a chance to start with? Until last night i actually thought i wasn't like the others. I mean i've always had my doubts to what i actually meant to you, but i realise now that it wasn't much at all. It's so disappointing...heartbreaking. I don't want anything but to forget you.

Day 22 - Kissed

This sucks. Not only it isn't someone meaningfull, i cant remember who it is. So instead of writing about who it was. It's the last meaningfull kiss. It was at about 4 in the morning, Friday the 11th June. It was the one thing i wanted more than anything, but then again it was the last thing too. It felt real, i thought it was real. You were never ever real.

Day 21 - First Impressions

These days in our society, we are constantly judging people, what they do, what they wear, where they go, and who we think they are. I wont lie and i say dont. I've done my fair share of judging, and i've also been judge. It's how it is, and it won't ever change.

Day 20 - "Heartbroken"

The phrase "he broke my heart" makes me a little angry, no heart can break from something like love. But it sure can make it feel like it. I rather use the term 'hurt'. So yes, i've been hurt alot. And brodie ward would be the main one, although i've done the same to him, it doesnt hurt any less. Sorrys will be forever thrown back and forth to each other

Another One Bites The Dust

Today was my last sports day, was a great day it was. Most of the S Pack ended up loosey, entertaining! Myself, Em and Katie enjoyed the day without that though, and i spent alot of it with some old friends who i've missed alot. It was a great day, but just makes me realise, the end is so close. Never will i go to one of those again, 15 weeks left, im scared..

Day 19 - Pesters My Mind

Of course its you, its always you these day. If only you knew all this, I mean im sure somewhere in that mind of yours you must know i think about you, if you actually knew, then maybe you would feel how special, how special you are to me. But you're a waste of time, waste of space in my head, and more importantly in my heart. I'll stop one day, i promise you.

Day 18 - Myself

I think I like who i am to an extent of course. I do the things i want, when i want, how i want. And then theres those times where i get myself in some horrible situations which makes me dislike myself, but everyone has those moments right? I do wish i tried harder at school this year. And I do wish I saved more money than i have. That's what i beat myself up about the most.

Day 17 - Childhood

A friendship worth more than anything, 14 years is nothing, compared to forever. Anna Ridley, I love you.

Day 16 - States And Country

State, my family, most of them live down in NSW. I dislike it alot, I miss out on alot of things, and so do they. But a yearly trip down, is hardly enough. But given the chance, i could never go back.
Country, The first place I'll go when i have the money, is New Zealand, such a beautiful country, as i've been told. The place who holds my bestfriend.

Day 15 - Who I Miss The Most..

Who do I miss the most. Once again the two B's. B1, you were so good to me, most of time, i missed the constant feeling of being loved. B2, you weren't really ever that good to me, but i miss how i feel around you. Also Anna, i haven't seen you in years, over 7 or 8 years, i miss you more than anything.

Day 14 - Drifting

Theres been many people i've drifted away from. Some because i've moved away, others because of circumstances. I don't have one to really pin point, which a little bad. Theres two people though, that i regret drifting from, but i finally got back. One, Emily Mendham, i was so foolish and young, and you were a bestfriend i just let you go. But we have become so close again, and trust me, we will be for a very long time. And then Anna, of course, that day, that first email, that moment, would be the happiest moment ever

Day 13 - Forgiveness

The two B's. As I noticed last night, it's actually both of them who haven't forgiven me for things I've done. Although they aren't angels. Far from
it. They've both done things I can't forgive, one more than the other. So from all sides of this story there is forgiveness waiting to happen.

Day 12 - Pain

I don't 'hate' anyone. I strongly dislike people but no hate. Alot of people caused me pain, all different kinds of pain. Boys, friends, family members. I don't know who would of have hurt me the most. Because it's all different

Day 11 - Deceased

There hasn't been many people that have died in my life. My great grandad died when i was six, and then my mums stepdads mum died too, but as i was so young they haven't be so significant. Maybe my dog though, that was a big heart breaking moment for me.

Day 10 - Lack of Conversation

I hate writing about you. I hate thinking about you. I hate talking about you. You're pretty much all I write about, because you're all I feel. So yes, you are the someone i wish i talked to more than I do. Sucks to be me.

Day 9 - Someone to Meet

I'd like to meet myself, I'd like to know what kind of person I was, I'd tell myself to stop wasting so much time on that one person and live life. If only i could listen to myself now..

Day 8 - Favourite Internet Friend

I dont really have a internet friend. I'd say Anna is my favourite, although we've met before, the interent is what keeps us together. Without it we'd definately wouldn't have each other.

Day 7 - Your Exboyfriend

Hmm, this is one i didn't want to write about really. But here it goes,
Brodie Ward, theres a lot to say about you, good, bad, sad and happy. You made me the happiest person i could be, at the start we were truely amazing, and i didn't want anyone else but you. We went through alot, and then it was my fault it stopped. I know it was, and from then it was downhill, i've known that so much hurt and dishonesty and lies could be in one relationship. I think we've set a world record, it wasn't just you, it was also me. But there was one person for me, opposed to many for you. Anyway, amongst all that bad stuff, i did love you, and i believe i still love you, but we are very different people now. We've both changed more than i could imagine, due to our mistakes and what not. And it still makes me happy, and i am grateful for you still being there, trying, and it is stil challenging for me to let go of you, we have to. You'll always be mine, deep down. And you'll love someone else again, i promise. Always have, always will. Taurie.

Day 6 - A Stranger

I'm not entirely sure what to write here. Strangers are people we don't know, we don't know what they do, where they are going, who are they really are. We all start out as strangers, And if you're lucky enough some of those strangers turn out to be life changing people.

Day 5 - Dreams

My dreams aren't anything special, they are just normal to me. Lately there's been one person clouding up my dreams but sometimes I don't mind it. I like dreams I think about alot after I have them.

Day 4 - Siblings

Dearne, with your big boobs, your ridiculous obsession with michael Jackson, and the fact we are so oppsite, I do hope that you know I will always be there for you and I know once we grow up will become alot more closer.
Brit, oh little brit your my favourite..you look up to both me and dearne and your just so loving. Just like I am for dearne I'll be always be here for you no matter what!
I love you both!

Day 3 - Parents

Mum is mum, and dad is dad. I am grateful for you both.
Mum, you do everything possible you can for us, and even though it may look unappreciated, i appreciate with all my heart. Although the one thing i wish you never gave me, is how much alike we are, we are so so similar, the fact that we both do everything possible for everyone, and i really should appreciate you more, because i now know how it feels. But all in all, i do love you, more than anyone, and if i'd have to take a side, it will always be yours.
Dad, we are so alike that we clash, i can see you worry about letting us down, don't worry, we will love you no matter what happens.

Parents are great.

Day 2 - Crush

The word crush makes me giggle, makes me think of primary school, and silly little love hearts everywhere. But these days, there isn't a crush, just a heart full of feelings that have been there for many years now. A heart full of pointless feelings.

Day 1 - Bestfriend..

Anna Ridley she takes first prize, friends for nearly 15 years and an ocean doesn't keep us apart.
The Slut Pack, a group of girls who amaze me everyday, thanks to kate - "forever you and me by lighthouse family" pretty much sums us up, friendships made to last a lifetime.
Also, Sophie the fact im family, means a lot more than the word 'bestfriend'
Justine, you're the one i call my bestfriend :)
And Jemma, we're dating, what more can i say?

Something To Do

I know everyones doing this, but i may as well do it. Something to think about.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
D ay 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Sweet Dreams

It's only when I'm asleep is when you still exist. I'd appreciate it though if you did stop clouding up my dreams.

Unexplainable

Words cannot explain what happened the other night, i think it brought us all together a little bit more, unbelievable things happened, moved me in so many ways.