101 things

If you haven't picked up that i have an insanely good memory you must be stupid. I can remember almost everything that has happened between us. When, where, why and how. The thing leading up to it, and of course the aftermaths. We've tested it with a quiz, I won. I honestly could name 101 things, i reckon. From 2006, the years we didn't speak, although there are few memories there, and then of course 2009 & 2010. I've said so many times "this is it, no more", but after what you did at MY schoolies. Ruined a whole night, i'll never get back. I just can't anymore.

Goodbye Education Part Two

Graduation..Wow. I woke up on the 18th of November, and couldn't believe i was actually graduating. Breakfast at school, seeing Miss Jackson was beyond amazing, and then walking down the ampitheature was also something ive waited for. Recieving a graduation certificate, then running away from school as such. Mollys house with bonnie, getting ready, then photos at the beach, not even the rain ruined it. Our bright yellow kombi chucking laps, and then arriving and letting our balloons go as we let our childhood go. The ceremony, teachers dance, and dinner. Then the party began. Singing on stage with the funniest band. The night went quick, and it finishing by who was left in a circle, singing "time of your life" it was beautiful, shed a tear. Then was the after party, teachers came, and a lot of people on one little balcony, was fun. Then saying goodbye, was when i lost it. All in all an amazing moment

Goodbye Education Part One.

"Muck Up Day" is known to people as the day the year 12's doing something to the school. So in tradition, we did just that. Spray painting the famous or not so famous blue dot, sneaking in at 12.30 at night, biggest thrill ever. Then we woke up, together, for our last day of school. Last maths, english, accounting class. Some silly practice for our graduation parade. And then the traditonal beach run, what i waited for my whole high school life. It was a sad day, but one i'll always remember

Where do I start?

Theres my last day of school, graduation and schoolies. Here we go.

11th of the 10th

November, a month that will go down in history. Good and bad. Deaths and new lives. This month has been mind blowing, already. And it's only 11 days in. "Our lasts", so many have happened. Im scared. 7 days until im offically, in that big thing called the world. To make my own routine, fend for myself. I am no longer a child. Hello adulthood. But how did this happen? The last 12 years have gone fast. And the last year has gone like a blink of an eye. It's all over redrover. And i am no liking it. Im not ready. Im scared. And i just want to go back. I don't want to grow up.

Signs

I dont know what to do. What's happening. Where do i go? I find it weird, scary weird. Both me and you, losing a loved one, within a week of each other. As i said my final goodbyes, yours passed. What a big coincidence. That's all it is right. It's not a sign from someone, is it? Unless its just my heart, hoping whilst aching that you'll realise you need me, just as much as i need right about now. In the last week, i've grown to love you again. And i don't know why. Anyway, who am i kidding. You're with someone else now. I need to let you go.
No matter what, i'll always be here for you.

Death...

Is hard to get my head around. Although he wasn't a close family member, he was still family. Grandad Reid, R.i.P.

A few more things i'd like to say

First of all, JMCT...i miss you, everyday. In more ways than one. I know now you see how we are now. And of course i do too. I miss spamming on facebook, our moods, sleepovers, harry and gg, orange cups, maree hating, and mum loving, i miss you being the one i tell everything too, and knowing 100% about me. We were really like a relationship, but in every relationship, friendships get in the way. I know that we'll always love and be there for each other. Deep down. And nothing will compare to our previous friendship. I'll forever love you x

Second, B1..i miss you too, more than anything in the world. You're in love now, and its scary. I dislike how you are to me now, too cool, because you have a perfect girlfriend. I'll be happy without one day too, and i hope it hurts just as much it hurts me. And B2, our games still the same. kind of boring now.

third, spack. fuck how we've broken into little peices. i miss us being happy, when we were a family rather than the slut pack. ah well. people change.

The game..

I'm kinda sick of it. It's fun and all, but it's a bit of drag now. I'm young and i should be having fun. Heart stop taking everything so seriously, you big loser

Few things i have to say..

First of all, BS, you're initals, it also stands for bullshit. Which really is what comes out of your mouth, and your actions. Im not going to lie, i had some real good fun with you, but thats all. I used my heart, what a waste of time. Close enough to regret.

Second, BW, fuck you man. fuck you. for the last two years, you've been there, in a semi good way. and now that you have a 'perfect' girlfriend, you want to ruin my life. can't i be happy? "your friends" fuck off, how many of mine did you try before me? You make me angry, you make me sad, most of all you make so disappointed. this isnt us. grow the fuck up.

the end.

One Month Left

Im not sure how to feel. Im scared. Im sad. Im excited. Im happy.
So many emotions, so little time..

An incredible bond, brought together by rain and beautiful music.

CMF 2010

=
lots of rain, JET, ponchos, pizza, POWDERFINGER, lior, deathly shift at work, brendans house, goon, four kings, foreigners, joes house, kings beach, mud, 3 pairs of shoes ruined, 1 stolen, weed, crowds, moshing, freezing times, JIMMY BARNES, loose messages to my mother, new beginnings..of some sort, panda hats, gum boots, midori!, brad, brads funny stories, brad being such a sick dude, more rain, angies love, angies hate, mollys bed, mollys house, megans garage, a whole lot of wind, THE F5, stressful times, stressful plans.

in general, it was an amazing weekend, with the most amazing people. would do it all over again.
caloundra music festival never ever fails me.

See you in a few months

Always the same, i dont care, but i do. It's a weird feeling. One im so use to, but yes, i'll see you next time..

October, November, December

October; Dear caloundra music festival, please be as good as you were last year, i have high expectations, and i want them to be filled.

November; Dear grad, please don't make me cry as much as i think i will. Also don't let anything ruin my night :) and Dear schoolies, i want to have fun. so don't let my bad feeling be real,

Decemember; Dear december, make sure anna arrives here safely, and make sure her time here is filled with amazing days.

love me

Always the same

Me: How is she is
You: We aren't talking
Me: I already knew that
You: How, you creep
Me: You're talking to me

I've had you figured out for a while now. And now you know. Sucker.

Happy birthday

September is full such important dates. Like yesterday, was Brodies 18th, so many memories that are tagged along with his birthday. It was a hard day.

A big change

I stoood up for myself. I do apologise to molly for doing it at her birthday dinner. But i cracked, and i had to let it out. I am sorry to those i said horrible things too, i think i took it too far. i do love every single one of you..

Lost myself..

A few days ago, i did something i didnt think i'd do for a while, and for all the wrong reasons. I was pushed that far off the edge, i turned to something else to take me away from here. Not my proudest moment.

Exactly the same

How long has it been since I've seen you? A while. When I got in the car it was the same. Little did you know I sat in the back smilin the whole time. It's the same as it always was. I don't get why those silly littl butterflys are still around. We are 'friends' now, but sure still doesn't feel like that inside. And also why the hell do you have to come back when things are changing, new things arising..back to where I started I guess.

Spring to Summer

The beach makes me happy. The sun, the hot wind, the heat in general. The burnt skin and dried out hair. It all makes me feel complete. Although i'm still hurting inside and missing pieces. I'm happy. I have so much to look forward too.

It's okay now..

You're happy now, i see the smile you have when you talk about her, the one you had for me. But then i know that i'm still special to you, you try and hide it, but i know you to well. I wont lie, it still hurts. And i miss you alot, but im happy, you're happy. We're different happys, but its good, for now. September isnt the best month, so many important dates that were ours. That aren't now.

Substitute..

Is it bad that i've substitued my loneliness. Someone has all of a sudden become everything. He's there as a bestfriend. He's there instead of brodie. He's there just to be there. I'm not sure i've using, or i'm feeling. Guess time will find out.

Emily,

You are one the strongest people i know, although you feel so broken inside you continue to live your life, you put it all behind and get on with it. Of course, just like the rest of us, you breakdown, but thats completely expected. You amaze me so much, you one of the bestest friends i've ever had, and you are one of the few i see sticking with forever. You are going to get through this, you have your whole life ahead of you. I love you forever and ever.

Two Hearts

When we were born, we were born with two hearts. One is a vital organ, that keeps the blood pumping, that keeps us alive. But then there's another. A heart, that when we are younger, our parents keep it locked up in our chest. Then you grow up, and realise what love can be, what love is, and what love isn't. Some keep theirs locked up, and then theres others who wear it on their sleeves. At the moment, i think i've only one. My vital organ, that is keeping me alive. The other, i gave to you, then i took it back, wore it on my sleeve. I took yours for granted. Now it belongs to someone else. When you took yours back, you took mine with you.

Princess

Oh how we've been through alot, and you've stuck by me through alot too. Yes we had our rough patch..but i look at it now and laugh. I'm glad to still have you, and after school i hope we continue this. Our hearts will mend, they will. But for now, i love you, that should be enough ;) haha

18.11.10

I'm not ready to leave it all behind.

Thankyou

To everyone today. As much as i'm feeling lost, lonely, empty, whatever it is. Everyone who put in today, who was there, who cared. It means alot, and makes things alot easier.

Regret?

Im not sure whats happening. I'm not sure if i have this big regret or not. I guess if i didnt do what i did, i wouldnt be who i am now. But then again, i see myself a better person back then anyways. I guess i kinda wished i never gave him up, never hurt him the way i did. That would of saved me alot of hurt too. But everything happens for a reason, right.

Always have and always will

You're that one person that will always fill my heart. You're that one person who will always be mine, no matter how many others we have. I'm so proud of you, you have done the right thing, the best thing. But the thing that hurt the most. We will never find anyone like each other, and we'll always have each other, in memories. Im sorry for everything. I loved you. I still love you. Be good. Treat her well. She'll never be me.

Lonely

I'm so so lonely. I screwed two boys around and they screwed me around back. And they were the ones who ended up happy and having someone. I never go out. I never do anything. I thought it was so I didn't get sick. But I kinda realise I don't have a little group inside the big group. I don't want to be here anymore.

Karma

I'm selfish. I'm horrible. I hurt you. You stood by me. I used you to an extent. And felt for someone else just as much as I felt for you. But now you turn around. Did something for yourself. Found someone new. That's my karma. I'm so proud of you. I really am. But at the same time I'm breaking and hurting and missing. I kinda thought you'd be mine forever. That's the selfish part. I won't ruin this one I promise.

Replacement

Dear the one who meant the most,3 years on. Hope it was worth it. You don't look at it from my eyes you don't even give it a second to think as soon as I say a thing you get defensive and assume I'm making you a bad guy. 'too busy'. Well I'm glad I mean that much for me to end up like the rest, some 'bestfriend'. Two way street. But I do hope you know and remember you hurt me and let me down more than anyone. Find time to think of that one. Lots of love, the one who cared the most, did the most for you and who was there for you over anyone. Things change. Didn't expect it to be with you. Lifes full of surprises.

summer 2010/2011

oh how i have high hopes for you. all starts at caloundra music festival! then grad! then schoolies! then seeing anna, hopefully! then christmas! then everyone begins turning 18! aahh, im beyond excited and although im frighten as hell to leave school i'd give anything for to it be october the 8th!! This summer is going to be great. if only it could last forever. gives me hope, because fuck i am over this winter, and crappy friends/school shit. summer all the crap will be gone :)

Oh baby Oh baby ;)

Emily Mendham, we've been friends for sometime now! and well we went through a rough patch back in the day, and even now, i still wish that didnt happen. But we are now as close as ever and thats how its going to be. You understand me, and you see the things i go through and see how hard it is for me, and you are there. I never feel bad about venting to you about all the crap i deal with, you are so helpful. I love you alot, and as you said, from november onwards we are going to be having the best time together, always always always!

BFFL!

The term bestfriend actually makes me angry these days. First theres the bestfriend, we have grown apart, i dont really know why, but im just not number one for you anymore. Second girlfriend, which really meant bestfriend, just isn't the same anymore. Im not enjoying the whole feeling likee 4th best thing. So really, theres Anna, who no one can ever compare to and sophie, thank fuck you call me a sister because we'd be doomed if we used bestfriend. And of course the loyal members of the pack. Love is all the same for all, some just treat me alot better, and thankyou to those who do :)

Summer

I need to feel the ocean, the sand, the burning of my skin. I can not wait for summer. Everything is always always better in that season. Best time of the year.

Broken

You broke me. A bestfriend broke me down. Sure you were upset,I tried my hardest to be there, help, care. You used and abused me. You have no idea what you've done. You didn't think of me once.

Rock Bottom

I'm sick of this. I need change. Right now. I feel so sad, so used, just so damn hurt. I don't want to be that person who cares all the time, who does everything for everyone. But thats who I am. It's fucked.

30 days of letters

So i kinda cheated at the end, i got over it and did the last few all together. I still did it but. It made me angry, all i wrote about was the same peope. Oh well, it was a great challenge.

Day 30 - Reflection

I like what I see. Theres room for improvement. And I'll change constantly.

Day 29 - All I have to Say

Dear you,
It's been a while, since we've had a proper conversation..in person. Well here's the lowdown. I've lost a friend or two, gained some more, you use love my friend gossip. My hairs darker and it stayed darker this time, started out black but its now set to brown. Graduation isn't that far away, it doesn't feel like it was nearly a year ago since i saw you on your graduation night, hmm. Im scared of schoolies, i need you to tell me how you use to be scared of it too, until you went and had the time of your life, convince me? I have so many questions i need to ask you, was it any of that real? Did you actually care? Do you still care? You are such a horrible person, to me, to the others, and to her. I'm not sure why you did that/still doing it. Are you aware of the hurt you are causing? Never the less, I still feel just as strongly for you, nothings changed in that area, sorry. Maybe one day, we can be friends, and we hang out and i wont feel anything anymore. But for now, things are still the same. You should know that i hate myself some days, and im constantly angry at myself for still wanting you in my life. Thats all.
I miss you,
Love from, Me..

Day 28 - Life Changing

The pack, its a group of girls, 13 girls including me. Each of the them have their own story to how i met them, and how they've changed my life. We will be friends forever and even if we aren't, our memories are for forever.

Day 27 - Friendly

Crap, i can't think of anything...

Day 26 - Pinky Promise

I think it was to ethan, about something gay im sure. We have a great friendship.

Day 25 - Hardest Time

The slut pack, we are going through a rough patch, constant bitchiness, fights etc. We all love each other, sometimes a little too much, we'll get through it.

Day 24 - Favourite Memory

I don't think i have ONE favourite memory, there are so many that are my favourites, but i think my parents would be the ones who were there with me. But the s pack, anna, the two b's, all also have one favourite memory dedicated to them.

Day 23 - Second Chances

I'm not sure if there is even a second i can give you, if you never gave me a chance to start with? Until last night i actually thought i wasn't like the others. I mean i've always had my doubts to what i actually meant to you, but i realise now that it wasn't much at all. It's so disappointing...heartbreaking. I don't want anything but to forget you.

Day 22 - Kissed

This sucks. Not only it isn't someone meaningfull, i cant remember who it is. So instead of writing about who it was. It's the last meaningfull kiss. It was at about 4 in the morning, Friday the 11th June. It was the one thing i wanted more than anything, but then again it was the last thing too. It felt real, i thought it was real. You were never ever real.

Day 21 - First Impressions

These days in our society, we are constantly judging people, what they do, what they wear, where they go, and who we think they are. I wont lie and i say dont. I've done my fair share of judging, and i've also been judge. It's how it is, and it won't ever change.

Day 20 - "Heartbroken"

The phrase "he broke my heart" makes me a little angry, no heart can break from something like love. But it sure can make it feel like it. I rather use the term 'hurt'. So yes, i've been hurt alot. And brodie ward would be the main one, although i've done the same to him, it doesnt hurt any less. Sorrys will be forever thrown back and forth to each other

Another One Bites The Dust

Today was my last sports day, was a great day it was. Most of the S Pack ended up loosey, entertaining! Myself, Em and Katie enjoyed the day without that though, and i spent alot of it with some old friends who i've missed alot. It was a great day, but just makes me realise, the end is so close. Never will i go to one of those again, 15 weeks left, im scared..

Day 19 - Pesters My Mind

Of course its you, its always you these day. If only you knew all this, I mean im sure somewhere in that mind of yours you must know i think about you, if you actually knew, then maybe you would feel how special, how special you are to me. But you're a waste of time, waste of space in my head, and more importantly in my heart. I'll stop one day, i promise you.

Day 18 - Myself

I think I like who i am to an extent of course. I do the things i want, when i want, how i want. And then theres those times where i get myself in some horrible situations which makes me dislike myself, but everyone has those moments right? I do wish i tried harder at school this year. And I do wish I saved more money than i have. That's what i beat myself up about the most.

Day 17 - Childhood

A friendship worth more than anything, 14 years is nothing, compared to forever. Anna Ridley, I love you.

Day 16 - States And Country

State, my family, most of them live down in NSW. I dislike it alot, I miss out on alot of things, and so do they. But a yearly trip down, is hardly enough. But given the chance, i could never go back.
Country, The first place I'll go when i have the money, is New Zealand, such a beautiful country, as i've been told. The place who holds my bestfriend.

Day 15 - Who I Miss The Most..

Who do I miss the most. Once again the two B's. B1, you were so good to me, most of time, i missed the constant feeling of being loved. B2, you weren't really ever that good to me, but i miss how i feel around you. Also Anna, i haven't seen you in years, over 7 or 8 years, i miss you more than anything.

Day 14 - Drifting

Theres been many people i've drifted away from. Some because i've moved away, others because of circumstances. I don't have one to really pin point, which a little bad. Theres two people though, that i regret drifting from, but i finally got back. One, Emily Mendham, i was so foolish and young, and you were a bestfriend i just let you go. But we have become so close again, and trust me, we will be for a very long time. And then Anna, of course, that day, that first email, that moment, would be the happiest moment ever

Day 13 - Forgiveness

The two B's. As I noticed last night, it's actually both of them who haven't forgiven me for things I've done. Although they aren't angels. Far from
it. They've both done things I can't forgive, one more than the other. So from all sides of this story there is forgiveness waiting to happen.

Day 12 - Pain

I don't 'hate' anyone. I strongly dislike people but no hate. Alot of people caused me pain, all different kinds of pain. Boys, friends, family members. I don't know who would of have hurt me the most. Because it's all different

Day 11 - Deceased

There hasn't been many people that have died in my life. My great grandad died when i was six, and then my mums stepdads mum died too, but as i was so young they haven't be so significant. Maybe my dog though, that was a big heart breaking moment for me.

Day 10 - Lack of Conversation

I hate writing about you. I hate thinking about you. I hate talking about you. You're pretty much all I write about, because you're all I feel. So yes, you are the someone i wish i talked to more than I do. Sucks to be me.

Day 9 - Someone to Meet

I'd like to meet myself, I'd like to know what kind of person I was, I'd tell myself to stop wasting so much time on that one person and live life. If only i could listen to myself now..

Day 8 - Favourite Internet Friend

I dont really have a internet friend. I'd say Anna is my favourite, although we've met before, the interent is what keeps us together. Without it we'd definately wouldn't have each other.

Day 7 - Your Exboyfriend

Hmm, this is one i didn't want to write about really. But here it goes,
Brodie Ward, theres a lot to say about you, good, bad, sad and happy. You made me the happiest person i could be, at the start we were truely amazing, and i didn't want anyone else but you. We went through alot, and then it was my fault it stopped. I know it was, and from then it was downhill, i've known that so much hurt and dishonesty and lies could be in one relationship. I think we've set a world record, it wasn't just you, it was also me. But there was one person for me, opposed to many for you. Anyway, amongst all that bad stuff, i did love you, and i believe i still love you, but we are very different people now. We've both changed more than i could imagine, due to our mistakes and what not. And it still makes me happy, and i am grateful for you still being there, trying, and it is stil challenging for me to let go of you, we have to. You'll always be mine, deep down. And you'll love someone else again, i promise. Always have, always will. Taurie.

Day 6 - A Stranger

I'm not entirely sure what to write here. Strangers are people we don't know, we don't know what they do, where they are going, who are they really are. We all start out as strangers, And if you're lucky enough some of those strangers turn out to be life changing people.

Day 5 - Dreams

My dreams aren't anything special, they are just normal to me. Lately there's been one person clouding up my dreams but sometimes I don't mind it. I like dreams I think about alot after I have them.

Day 4 - Siblings

Dearne, with your big boobs, your ridiculous obsession with michael Jackson, and the fact we are so oppsite, I do hope that you know I will always be there for you and I know once we grow up will become alot more closer.
Brit, oh little brit your my favourite..you look up to both me and dearne and your just so loving. Just like I am for dearne I'll be always be here for you no matter what!
I love you both!

Day 3 - Parents

Mum is mum, and dad is dad. I am grateful for you both.
Mum, you do everything possible you can for us, and even though it may look unappreciated, i appreciate with all my heart. Although the one thing i wish you never gave me, is how much alike we are, we are so so similar, the fact that we both do everything possible for everyone, and i really should appreciate you more, because i now know how it feels. But all in all, i do love you, more than anyone, and if i'd have to take a side, it will always be yours.
Dad, we are so alike that we clash, i can see you worry about letting us down, don't worry, we will love you no matter what happens.

Parents are great.

Day 2 - Crush

The word crush makes me giggle, makes me think of primary school, and silly little love hearts everywhere. But these days, there isn't a crush, just a heart full of feelings that have been there for many years now. A heart full of pointless feelings.

Day 1 - Bestfriend..

Anna Ridley she takes first prize, friends for nearly 15 years and an ocean doesn't keep us apart.
The Slut Pack, a group of girls who amaze me everyday, thanks to kate - "forever you and me by lighthouse family" pretty much sums us up, friendships made to last a lifetime.
Also, Sophie the fact im family, means a lot more than the word 'bestfriend'
Justine, you're the one i call my bestfriend :)
And Jemma, we're dating, what more can i say?

Something To Do

I know everyones doing this, but i may as well do it. Something to think about.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
D ay 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Sweet Dreams

It's only when I'm asleep is when you still exist. I'd appreciate it though if you did stop clouding up my dreams.

Unexplainable

Words cannot explain what happened the other night, i think it brought us all together a little bit more, unbelievable things happened, moved me in so many ways.

Loneliness

There's a empty feeling constantly inside me, And I feel so sad when your not around. But you're never coming back you won't be there for me like I need you too, I need to get over that and move on

3am Means Nothing, Right?

I just need you to say goodbye, I need closure. But no you disappear then turn up at my house in the early hours of the morning, 'wanting to see me'. You can do it fine, but just forgetting about someone is something I can't do. I miss you everday, but all I need from you is two words. Please?

On The Tip Of My Tongue

I could never say the three words people say when they feel so strongly about someone, to you. I don't think they'd ever come out right, and i personally don't know if they'd be truthful. I actually can't explain these feelings. Ones that have been around for around 4 years, just old flames continuing to relight until you put them out without even knowing, maybe. But when I laid next to you last night, those were on the tip of my tongue, but instead i just told you i missed you..

The Cold Season

Everyones writing about winter, how that one person isn't there anymore. And yes, i join in that feeling of loneliness. But when i lay in my bed, with two doonas over me, the extra doona is replacing the heat you use to give. I think how crazy we were, i don't think this winter is colder than last, just because you're not here, but i think to myself, how we managed to sneak into spas, and spends hours in them talking, like we had all the time in the world and not letting the freezing degrees in the outside world, of course then we realise we could see the sun come up and we'd have to return home, but it seems so crazy now, and i think those nights were so very cold but i risked to just to feel the warmth i feel when you're around. That's gone, you're gone. But memories are a good thing to me, and i get to feel a slight hint of warmth everytime i think of you.

You left me screaming

How easy is it to shut someone out of your life? Me personally its too hard. But you, you find it easy to do. You left me with nothing, not a good bye, just the knowledge of why you're doing it, only because everyone else knows as well. Theres been two little chat conversations, as well the time you came to my counter, besides that theres been nothing. then you go and ring me, wanting to see me, just expecting me to fall into the place i was at, and of course i did. That night i was left screaming in my sleep, maybe it was because of you, maybe it wasn't. But you still have no idea how you affect me. I haven't stopped thinking about you..once

Impossible To Change

Its people like you.
I should never had trusted, ever.
Who. Will. Never. Change.
And one day, you will get to feel hurt.
I'll make sure of it.

Not so much the same

I'm trying this new thing where im not dependant on someone, which is a big step for me. I've been so use to having someone there for me, for the last few years. And im actually free, as i like to say it. I have this family though, they are brilliant, we aren't related as such, But they are the only ones who i will depend on. Although these changes in me are different, im liking it. I'm happy, I am. Finally.

Wishes.

Every 11:11, the one birthday candle a year, the eyelashes that fall, and the rare but amazing times you catch a shooting star in the sky. I think of you, don't worry, you'll never read this, so i haven't told the secret. But everytime i wonder, am i wasting these wishes? I have now started wishing you away, not away from my life, but from my heart. These feelings that have been floating inside of me, for over a year now. The ones that ruined alot of things, changed me greatly, you know the ones? If you can live your life, so can i. I'm done waiting, because i'm seriously waiting for nothing. So from now, every 11:11, the next birthday candle i blow out, the eyelashes that will fall out, and the next amazingly rare shooting star i see, i'll be thinking of you, just not the way i use to.

I'm Adopted

2006, i started caloundra primary, and some creepo teacher sat me next to you.
And since then you've been stuck with me.
Pretty sure our friendship has been a heck of a rollercoaster,
The times i've hated you, then the other where i just wanted to make out with you?
And last year, we decided that im practically apart of your family.
Like when you buy a new dog, and it just makes a place in the family.
Thats me.
"Aboriginal Foster Child" but im not really aboriginal.
If i could of have it any other way,
It would sitting next you in class earlier than year 6.
We are now set for life, so make room for me in your house.
Love you long time SOPHIE :)

Forgot About That

How much easier it was,
When I didn't have to see you everyday.
When I didn't get reminded of what we were, what we could have been.
Seeing you live your life happily without me, although I can do it myself.
Not going to lie, I do miss you, I do think about you.
But then something clicks tellling me that no matter how hard this is, it's right.
Always and forever

Our Adventures

5 and half litres of cokeeee devoured by me justine courtney, plus some help from sophie, molly and katie :) we had a great two nights at justines houseyyyy. 1st night, molly courtney justine and myself we had some disturbing times, along with sex places, lots of talking, and just great fun. first sleepover with molly too, was very fun :)
Second night, sophie justine courtney and myself, had WAY too much energy after a long day at wet n wild, some crazy noongas came out, and someonee had a little date ;), more coke was drank, and chocolateeeeee

Wet n wild was that fun! The drive down and back was greaatt tooo.
All in all, was a very great two days, with half our famileh :)

Selfish

I miss you

One plus one, use to equal two.

I'm not who I was and your not who you used to be.
Therefore we are not us anymore.
Sure, we still have those feelings, and they won't go away anytime soon.
But we are not the same. And there is no one to blame but ourselves.
We must leave it at goodbye, but we'll never forget.
For the last time, I say to you.
'always have, always will'

Millis 17th

12.26am
theo justine court milli Jemma amf
Jemma head ahhahahhah
I feeeeeel sick
and I wanna stay in kings and Justine wants to go to kawana.
Ew at electric pink crusisers that I'm drinking
ummmmmmmmmmmm
let's sleeep peace out

Well

Reading back on our drunken blogging is definately amusing.
Oh how having this iPhone can be a lil dangerous.
Hahaha I'm so impressed with mine justines and sophies effort.
Twas an interesing night :)
I'm still running on lack of sleeep

Ps.

i love sophie and justine

2.28am

just got home, i have never been so wet in my life,
home is justines house.
and the rain was soooooooooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooood,
i was frothing. good ol' matt rhodes came to the rescue and saved us from more rain,
well saved justine and sophie, i followed, someone stupid.
i cant feel my teeth or my hands, therefore im a hell man.
justine and sophie are putting ITCH EZE PLUS CREAM on their leggys.
i did not get bitten once. how odd.
all in all, we had a greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt night
wooooohoooooo, lets sleep now bitches.
peace out, A town, do do dooodooo dooo doo dooo
ps, its not 2.30. night.

Anything

sophie Justine and taurie
druck
hot boyssssss coming????
Bs is a fagggggot
tim is 18 now :)
Joel is a helllllllmN bette Han his bestfriend
heygoon

okay oka okay I calll you
GON' GITT

WOOOO taurie got a caaaseee man!!!!!!!
Forget about your byrriend and meet me at the pee toilet!!!!
We too photos man.

He'll yes I am awesome. It's j duffy here bitches

Had a bit to much to drink but woohh , Heyaa
macaz and t reid. How I lov I phone diction
shut up taurie
Peace out Homs !

Gon' Git

Siiting here with Georgie and Justine and Sophie hanging out.
Fuck to the yeahhhh!!!!!!!!!
Fat slur
or the skinny slut hahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahaha
gross boys dammmmmmmnnnnn
ya mum!!!!!!'
CAPSSSSS LOCKKKKKKK BITCHESSSSS
happ 18rh tim
teigan hot

20/7

I hate that I rely on you so much.
I hate how I have an urge to call, MSG, spam you all the time.
I hate that I care way too fucking much.
I hate what you said to me, regardless of everything,
You were the one who wasn't meant to turn your back on me.
No matter what I did.
I hate the fact that you have her, who use to be me.
I hate that I love you that much that I can't hate you.
I hate this. I hate what happened.
And I hate that I can't back down, and forgive you.

Happiness

Tauriereid says: (10:47 PM)
- dude
Justinee says: (10:47 PM)
- dude.
sophie says: (10:47 PM)
- dude
klp.(tu) says: (10:48 PM)
- dude

it took Sophie so many trys to get that to work. But it was worth it.
You 3 are the funniest, grossest, sickest people I have ever met.
But I love you for it. We are amazing. That night was amazing actually.

In the last week

I had my 17th birthday party, now wasn't that an achievement, my own party. Although some would say that 'I wasn't even there for it', such a lie, i was just helping a certain someone, also a pool fence got broken sooo thats a bit cool, a story to remember, and everyone says it was a sweet as party, so high 5's to me. Then tuesday i got suspended, soo ridiculous, for going to maccas during lunch, stupid mr hay. But the 5 other girls got it too, so its an experience we shared together :). Because of this, i am 'grounded'. Wednesday was my birthday, and the girlies all went out for lunch, was actually so amazing. Got a iphone!!!!!! So i wont be doing anything this weekend, But i've already had my weekend really. Im running on lack of sleep, and i havent eaten for over 24 hours, weird...anywhoo, that was fun :)

The Girls.

What we've got going on right now, is something i neverrr want to stop! Seriously makes me soo happy being around all of us.
Justine, Sophie, Jemma, Millicent, Molly, Em, Katie, Elisa, Kate, Kristy, Courtney, Jessie, Teigan, You girls are seriously the bestt, and we better be together for the rest of the yearr :) we are going to have the best memories ever :)!!
17ths, 18ths!, Graduation, Schoolies, Concerts ;), Just lifee!!!!!!!
So in general I plainly just love you all :)

Skip It

My head is telling me this is the right thing to do, i know that. And of course, my heart is saying different. And I'm going to do what my head says because everyone on this planet knows its the right thing to do. But this whole sitting here missing you, hoping you miss me too. Going through all the good things we did, and the many many bad things we also did. Hearing, Listening, Seeing things that just have YOU all over it. And the part where i sit here and wish and hope your not off with someone else, telling them your secrets, your stories, the stuff I only knew. Can't I just skip this part? Like really? Can't I just be in that stage where i look back and think 'What the hell was i thinking' or something like that. But noo, not going to happen. I keep telling myself, i can do this, i can do this. But turning around and running back is so damn tempting but i have to do this, right? As much as i need you gone, i need you there just as much. Goodbye. Be good. I love you brodie.

"I'd start swimming"

You've been there for pretty much forever. Okay so maybe there was a few or more years that we didn't speak, but you were never gone. Pictures from our grandparents day were in my room, so not once did i ever forget. Then that day in 2006, when we got in contact was seriously the best day of my life. Since then you know all my secrets, and i know all your sneaky little secrets and i couldnt think of anything better. Your the one person who will always be there, no matter how far away we live from each other. A 14 year friendship is seriously something that can not be let go of. So, i'd just like to say, i love you, and thankyou for being you.
"If computers broke down, i'd start swimming"

Poppy,

6.1.09,

It was about this time that night. I was playing the wii, owning at the game really.

Mum comes upstairs, i knew straight away.
I ran down stairs, i'll never forget the way you looked.

I ran away, to my room, locked myself in there.

You were gone, thats all i could say.

It has now been a year, and its just as upsetting.

But i know that it was for best, for you to go.

And even though, we left the house your at,

You havent left my heart.

In the last year, i've neeed you more than ever

But i've gotten through it, with memories.

Always and Forever,

You were my bestfriend, my baby, my dog.

Rest in Peace Beautiful.